Many of my clients ask how it is that I understand them so well and get all their hang ups, confidence issues and low self-esteem. This is why – I’ve been there.
When I look at my life, I feel fortunate in every way. I have achieved way more than I ever wanted or imagined. I consider myself a very successful woman because I am truly happy. I wake up every morning feeling blessed and I enjoy everything that comes into my life—but it wasn’t always like this.
I grew up in Mexico, a society that diminishes women in many ways. Women are purely judged on their looks and their marital status and being seen as overweight means that you’re constantly discriminated against. I grew up taller and more muscular than most girls and was constantly told that I would be so pretty if I only “lost the weight”. I was referred to as the ‘fat sister’ since my siblings were petite. I was a size 10, 5’7″ athletic girl! Even though I was healthy, I didn’t fit the mould compared to all the 5’2″ size 0 girls out there. All this made me very insecure about my body and I hardly dated.
When I tried dating, I was crushed even more, because I was taller than most of the boys I liked and they’d only date petite girls. Then, when I was 17, I fell in love with a boy in college who only wanted to be friends. I thought this was because I was fat, tall and not attractive enough for him – or for any other boy. In Mexico, everything is geared up for girls to find a man who’ll take care of them and as I decided I had no chance of this happening I hit the books big time – I had to get a career and be able to take care of myself. It was such a painful time for me, but looking back I feel blessed that it happened.
In Mexico, the value of a woman is all about how well she marries and the number of children she produces. By the age of 23 my family had already written me off as a spinster – at 23! The really sad thing is that I’d already written myself off too. Feeling now more than ever that I had to be able to take care of myself, I moved to America to pursue a master’s degree in engineering because I felt that the opportunities for a woman in this field in my home country were limited.
I graduated three years later and decided that there was no way I was going to return to Mexico aged 26 and single! I married the first man who asked. He didn’t try and get on with my family and that, plus the fact that he was overweight, meant that I was open to even more criticism when I returned home. Yet again I felt like a total failure – and now I was stuck for life with someone my family weren’t impressed with. I didn’t know what to do. Should I remain unhappily married or become a divorcee – something else that carries a huge amount of stigma in my culture?
I spent over 20 years of my life feeling unworthy and unattractive. I hated my body so much that I wouldn’t look in mirrors unless it was absolutely necessary. I also managed to marry twice more to try and get myself a husband worthy of my family’s approval and to have a child so I would not “die alone” – as my family would constantly reminds me to this date.
I tried to please everyone but me. I tried to live up to their narrow expectations of what a ‘good girl’ does. I tried to fit in with my culture’s limiting ideas of what a ‘decent woman’ is. All those wasted years used to make me sad, but not anymore. I no longer say that those years were wasted because without them I wouldn’t understand my clients so well and I wouldn’t have understood that the power of boudoir photography lies in the internal transformation of women – and it’s this that sets my business, Art of Seduction, apart.
Everything that I went through helped me to become the woman that I am. I needed to have chains around me in order to break them and liberate myself. I need to walk through the fire to embrace my own power, the power that every woman has inside of her. I truly believe that the result of everything I went through – all those years of low self-esteem – is my success.
If, as a young woman, I’d have felt as beautiful as I now know I am, I wouldn’t have created a successful career and would have stayed in Mexico, married and raising a family. That’s a wonderful calling and I admire all of you moms out there, but it’s not mine. I now know that my calling is to empower women to feel confident and beautiful through the power of boudoir photography. If I’d have been popular with the boys I liked, I wouldn’t have dedicated myself to studying, wouldn’t have got a master’s degree and would never have discovered my passion—boudoir photography.
So What Changed?
After so many years spent thinking that I’d be happy if only I had a boyfriend or a husband, if I only had a ‘good’ job or met with my family’s approval, I realized something big. Happiness is a choice that lies within me alone! It was my job to decide to be happy and no circumstance or person in the world could make me happy unless I decide to be happy with exactly where I am and with who I am. I believe that God put everything I needed right in front of me. I picked up a camera, discovered photography and found my passion.
I finally realized that what makes me happy is to have a passion and goals to work towards. I spent 13 years juggling my engineering career with photography until I took the plunge and went full-time. Even that worked out exactly as it was meant to! Those years of developing my business and figuring out exactly what I wanted it to be grew my self-esteem and self-worth beyond measure. I realized that I could do anything I set my mind to.
My self-worth is so different now because I judge success on my own terms, not by anybody else’s standards. And how I look? Before I started to transform the lives of other women through my boudoir photography, I had to experience its power myself – and thanks to my own boudoir shoot I now see myself as a beautiful, sexy, curvy and desirable. The real secret of good boudoir is that those feelings don’t wear off with time – if anything your self-confidence just keeps on growing!
Nobody knows what their future holds, but I do know that whatever it is, it will be exactly what I need in that moment and I will embrace it and enjoy it for as long as it lasts. How much would your life change if you believed that not only what is happening for you right now was meant to happen, but that it is absolutely the best thing for you? Imagine how your perspective on life would change!
Our futures may hold uncertainties but with that perspective, I know that for the rest of my life I will be happy. I know I will be sharing the best parts of me with people who want—and deserve—to receive them. I know I will be changing women’s lives through boudoir photography and I know I’ll be helping other photographers to achieve their potential.
I’m not fat or ugly and I’m not inadequate. I have to say that after doing a boudoir session my own perception changed and now I see myself as a beautiful, sexy, curvy and desirable.
Why not come along with me on this path of constant growth? Together, let’s see how much we can achieve, how much we are capable of and how much we can help others along the way.
I hope that you always have the courage to live your life to your full potential and that you don’t waste one more day feeling anything but sexy, beautiful, happy and fulfilled. You deserve everything you want in this life and if I can do anything to help you achieve your goals, please reach out! It would be wonderful to connect.
With all my love and happiness,